Fired

Fired.  Let go.  Forced out.  Job eliminated.  Separated from employment.  Consciously uncoupled.  Whatever you want to call it, this message goes out to those who have ever been separated from work and not of their own choosing.  For those in the club, I have three things to say to you: you are worthy, you are not a failure, and you are not alone.  Read on as I share from my own experience things I have learned along the way, and also lessons gained from others in the club.

A year ago, I was eliminated from my job.  I did not know that particular day would be my last, but it somehow was not all that shocking to me when it happened.  It was a surreal drive home as I tried to reconcile what had just happened and also figure out how I would tell my husband.  (Thankfully, he is incredibly supportive, so it wasn’t a hard conversation).  That night I laid awake for hours wrestling with the unanswered questions and dealing with the voices of shame and rejection that kept running through my restless mind.  It is natural to try to figure it out – what did I do to cause this, or how could I have prevented it?  I replayed meetings and conversations, trying to determine which one tipped the scale.  In the days that followed I had lunch with a mentor who wisely cautioned, “You will want to know the truth, but you may never find it…or it may be revealed years later, but by then it won’t matter anymore.”  So, I worked on removing the negative talk from my mind.  And I emphasize the word work, because it was a process I had to repeat often, especially those first few weeks. 

Throughout this process, I was most surprised by the hit to my identity.  We live in a culture that prizes work and celebrates ladder climbing ambition.  When we meet someone new, we ask, “what do you do?” as a means of determining how interesting or important the other person is.  Suddenly, I no longer had a “what do you do.”  I felt less than.  I realized just how much my sense of identity was tied to my work, and without it I was…well, nothing.  I thought I knew who I was, but I quickly realized when my identity was stripped away that I did not know myself as well as I thought. 

The problem was that I had tied my worthiness to my job.  I added value in a role that felt important to me.  It took losing my job to realize that my worthiness as a person has nothing to do with “what I do.”  As a Christian, I believe that my worth is derived from who I am in Christ.  My value as a human is not that I show up to a job every day.  I add value by loving people well, being kind, and teaching people how to do the same by virtue of how I live out my beliefs every day.  I thought I knew that before, but now I KNOW that I know.  The message I want to share with you is that you are worthy.  You are not a job or a title.  You are a uniquely designed and gifted human, here for a reason.  You matter not because of what you do for 8-ish hours a day, but because of what you value and how you love – and nothing can take that away from you!

It is pretty easy to see job loss as a failure of epic proportions, and not many people cherish the thought of failing.  I have been on both sides of the equation – I have let people go from jobs and I have also been let go myself.  Neither is fun, but I have come to realize that when the need to part ways arises, it is oftentimes the best thing for the employee in question.  Whatever the reason, the message is clear – this company is not a good fit for you.  Who wants to stay in a job where they are not a good fit?  So maybe you messed up, or you weren’t performing up to par.  Go take your unique strengths and skills somewhere they will be a good fit!  Or maybe you just didn’t fit into the culture at that company.  Again, who wants to hang out in a place where they are constantly fighting against the grain?  Go somewhere that is a good fit for you and your values!  In my own experience and from the stories I have heard from others – getting fired ended up being the best thing that could have happened.  Some describe it like a weight being lifted.  No wonder!  If something is not right (performance, culture fit, how you connect with your boss, etc.), it doesn’t feel good.  Now you can stop fighting, stop feeling drained or stressed, and start a new and better chapter.  You might have failed in your role, but that does not make YOU a failure!

Once I started talking about my own story, I quickly realized that many people have similar stories.  I have yet to come across someone who wishes they were still at the company from which they were let go.  Of course, we all wish that we could control the timing of when we leave a job, and I don’t want to make light of the fact that losing a job can have severe financial impact.  But what I have learned from my own experience and witnessed in others is that you will survive this.  It may be hard, you may lose some sleep, and you may have to wrestle with the same things that I did…but you will come out the other side as a stronger person.  Tell your story and you will find that you are not alone!

If you have survived this experience, I say to you: welcome to the club, my friend!  You now join the ranks of the millions of hard-working and talented people who have gone before you and have lived to tell the story.  I once heard it said, “You ain’t nothing until you have been fired a time or two.”  Well now you are something!  I’ll leave you with some song lyrics from a group called For King & Country.  In their song, Burn the Ships, they sing:

Step into a new day
We can rise up from the dust and walk away
We can dance upon our heartache, yeah
So light a match, leave the past, burn the ships
And don't you look back

 This isn’t about burning bridges, it is about burning the ships that hold you down to your past and make you think you are less than because you have been fired.  We live in a world of second chances and new beginnings.  Step into a new day!  Your next adventure awaits.