The Power of No
I once worked for a boss who could not stay focused to save his life. He was easily distracted by stories, shiny things, squirrels – you get the idea. He had a lot of ideas, and some of them were even good ones. The problem was that he was all over the place and he didn’t know how to say no, so I never quite knew where we were headed and when the next change of course would come. His lack of focus left me feeling aimless, like I was just along for the ride.
I know many people can identify with the frustration that results from having a distracted, unfocused boss. As much as I hate to admit it, there have been seasons when I also got distracted by what was right in front of me. Often the thing that is screaming the loudest is the thing that gets attention, but it is usually not the thing that is going to move the needle on those big projects or longer-term goals. This is what Charles Hummel wrote about in his book, Tyranny of the Urgent, when he contrasted what is urgent (the thing screaming the loudest) with what is important (such as strategic priorities). We tend to say yes to the urgent, thereby saying no to the important, when really it should be the other way around. It can be hard to say no, especially when the thing we are faced with feels like a good thing, but saying no is a skill that all leaders need to have. With that in mind, here are a few practical ways to be more intentional and focused and to put that ‘no’ to good use!
Have a clear vision – When your vision is well defined, it becomes infinitely easier to say no. You have the perfect litmus test at your disposal! Does the idea or request move you closer toward the vision or does it distract you from vision? If it is the latter, then say no!
Write out your priorities – Some experts advise writing your goals down every single day to keep you focused on that thing that you are trying to achieve. There is power in putting a goal down on paper, and writing it out by hand also strengthens the connection in your brain. You don’t have to write down your goals daily, but think of how much more focused you would be if you started your day or even your week with a hand-written list of what is most important! Bonus points if you put it somewhere you can easily see as a visual reminder as you go about your day.
Practice saying no – It can be hard to say no when you do not want to hurt, offend, or disappoint the other person. Sometimes we begrudgingly say yes, or say nothing at all which might as well be considered a yes (silence is consent, after all). To combat this, have a few no statements in your arsenal and be ready to use them. A few examples:
No, thank you – This one is super effective because it is both clear and polite. You do not always need to provide an explanation. Sometimes fewer words are better.
Not right now – Use this with caution, as it only defers the decision and could result in frustration. If the answer will likely never be a yes, then you should not use this response. Be prepared to say when it will be a good time if you use this type of no.
No, but I can do… - This allows you to say no to the original request, but to offer an alternate option that does work. Best of both worlds!
I am not interested – It can be hard to use this one, but it will save you from having to deal with the question or request again in the future. This could be used for scenarios ranging to being asked out, being invited to a direct sale party, being asked to join a committee, sales pitches, etc.
Be intentional about your time – Knowing how you will use your time keeps your focused on your priorities. Having a block of free time sounds great, however if the time is really “free” (meaning you don’t have a plan for how you are going to use it) it is highly likely that you will not make the best use of that time and that you are more prone to being distracted by what is in front of you.
Delegate – It is hard to say no to good things, so instead of just shooting it down why not find someone else who can work on it? This is a win-win – it keeps you from feeling bad about saying no, and it gives someone else an opportunity to do something they otherwise would not have gotten to do.
Saying no may feel hard at first, but it gets easier with practice. Keep reminding yourself that each no to something that is not a priority is a yes to your bigger vision and goals. And a funny thing happens when you say no to a non-priority request – the other person almost always finds someone else to help or some other way to move it forward. Let them chase after squirrels and shiny things…you have bigger goals to conquer!